Understanding Emotion and How to Use It
What Are Emotions?
Emotions are feelings related to an experience or state of being.
Emotions can be overwhelming and can cause us to react in ways that we later regret, OR they can be used as indicators of our state of being and we can use these indicators to acknowledge our emotional states and thereby direct our behaviors in a positive direction.
How to Recognize Emotion
The best way to recognize emotion is to ask yourself "How do I feel?" I ask myself this question multiple times throughout the day. What this does is it creates an awareness of your state of being. At this very moment I feel relaxed, calm, optimistic, complacent..... Right now I can say that I am experiencing positive emotions, while other times when I ask myself this the answer is not quite the same.
Often times, when we become emotional (intensely involved by an emotion), we may behave in a way that relates to and exaggerates this emotion. When we are emotionally excited, we may jump for joy or exclaim our excitement thus causing more excitement; conversely, when we are emotionally angry, sad, or jealous we may 'instinctively' behave in a way that exclaims our anger, sadness, or jealousy and the particular emotion can be magnified.
With this being said, it is safe to say that Emotions Guide Our Behavior, if not acknowledged.
How to Control Emotions
Have you ever been upset with someone you love and said some things you later regretted? or behaved in a way you later regretted? Well, this information will help you to unlearn those behaviors and learn new ones.
We have all been in some type of 'relationship' before whether it be with a lover, best friend, or family member. I know that when I have a disagreement with my boyfriend, I may become frustrated. This frustration may cause me to exhibit a behavior that later I will regret. By asking myself 'how do I feel' I can acknowledge that I feel this frustration and I can then choose to dismiss this frustration and instead feel a positive emotion such as joy. So then I choose to feel joy and happiness or maybe even peace. Is the behavior change instant? Not always. This takes practice! But I promise you it will become easier and easier to change your mood by controlling your emotions with time!
How I Handle a Disagreement With my Boyfriend
1. I remind myself that my boyfriend loves me and he would never intentionally hurt me. So if I am feeling hurt, then I am the one causing myself the pain.
2. I ask myself 'how do I feel?' This can serve as a basis for uncovering the thought forms which are causing myself to feel this emotion. Maybe this thought form is linked to an experience as a child. Perhaps as a child I became angry when my mother wasn't paying me attention; therefore, I unconsciously carry this thought form and display this behavior when feel that I am 'not getting attention.'
3. Dismiss the thought form. I tell myself "I dismiss this thought form, I will not allow this old thought form to cause 'insert unwanted feeling here.' I choose 'insert desired feeling here' instead.
i.e., I will not allow this old thought form to cause me jealousy. I choose to feel confidence and happiness instead.
4. Understand and acknowledge that your loved one has an opinion that they feel is just as right as yours. NO ONE NEEDS TO BE RIGHT, ONLY ACKNOWLEDGED AND RESPECTED. We are all powerful human beings, no one wants to feel inferior or unheard!
5. Know when to end the conversation. This is SO IMPORTANT. Since there is often no 'right' or 'wrong' answer, there is no point in trying to figure out who was right or wrong. We as mature and experiential human beings often know right away what could be done differently next time. There is no need to dig the hole deeper in trying to prove a point. What I do with my boyfriend, when these moments arise, is we agree to end this topic and then we talk about something else.
Sometimes we may ask the other 'what was your favorite thing we did last month?' and, with love and joy, we describe it. We push past our comfort and we reprogram our minds. This will induce a new emotion and new positive behaviors will follow.
I choose peace, love, and happiness <3
What are your thoughts?
I'd love to read them.
This is The Creative Mind.